My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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