Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
