Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My vagina just clenched in fear
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