just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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