i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
