For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
