talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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