I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
