Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Four minutes until I can fart!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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