Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
