So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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