I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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