I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
