That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
