These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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