Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
