Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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