Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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