she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
