I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
40s are totally the cure
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
