my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
