dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
