I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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