I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I believe in your delicious
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
