This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
