I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
