Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
