i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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