I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
