i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
