Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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