dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
