I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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