I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
