wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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