everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
