Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
