Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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