Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We need to rekindle our bromance
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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