In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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