My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
