I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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