I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's shark week go big or go home
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
