so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
