If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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