omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
