There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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