I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
