i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
