I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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