Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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