i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
