I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
