how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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